foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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