I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
