dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
