so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
