Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
