Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
