I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
