no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
