she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
