um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
