I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
