Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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