just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
