i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
