last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drake has all the answers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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