Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
