Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
