If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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