i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Houston, we have a squirter
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
