Just look for the house with the beer knights.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Even my vagina gasped.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I just sharted jello shots
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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