Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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