And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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