The maid of honor just puked.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize