I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
