TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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