Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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