Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
