Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want a musical about memes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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