Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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