He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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