Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
