i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will be naked everywhere
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
