You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
