No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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