absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
