No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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