My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
