dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
