Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
