dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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