fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize