May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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