i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
