Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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