Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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