his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
