they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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