I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
