We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
