I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
