ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
