he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
