i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize