apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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