Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
