I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
