Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
