my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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