i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What a dumb baby whore.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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