It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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