He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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