what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
