She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
