I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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