you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We're using joints as your birthday candles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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