Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Couch. On fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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