I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
