Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
