im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
