everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
